When did ‘I love you,’ degenerate into ‘Meet my needs?’ If you love a person, you say to that person, Look, I love you…
and I want you to be what you want to be. And I won’t be happy if I’ve got you in a cage.
You’d be a bird without song.
To be free to do something, you must be free not to do it. We are free to love only to the extent that we aren't forced into it by guilt, shame, fear of abandonment, or, worst of all, the interpretation of vulnerable feelings as emotional needs. No matter how seductive "I need you," may sound in popular songs, the partner who needs you cannot freely love you.
Perhaps you’ve tried to get people you love to change and conform to your expectations. Maybe you’ve also been the recipient of that muscled message.
Either way, it’s a miserable state.
We’ve come by our notions of love innocently enough, though by and large, they’re insane. No love comes from the state of fear or anxiety.
If someone needs you, he or she is more likely to abuse you than to give freely of love and support. "If you loved me, you'd do what I want (or see the world the way I do)," one argues.
"If you loved me, you wouldn't try to control me," the other counters.
Once the mind becomes convinced that it needs something, pursuit of it can easily become obsessive, compulsive, or addictive and almost certainly self-reinforcing.
Ultimately, the freedom to love is a core value issue.
Which is more important to you, getting your perceived needs met or loving freely?
Which gives you the better chance of being loved freely in return?
Love is an open, intimate space of freedom and transparency. ♥️